How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
