dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
