went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
