What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
