...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Randomize
