How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
