What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
