Where did you get a picture of my penis
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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