I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
