i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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