Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I just found puke in my bra..
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
