Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
so let's talk penis.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
