I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
You ate ashes out of my bong
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
