I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
