Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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