i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Randomize
