i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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