Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Randomize
