they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
