butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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