I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
