maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
