You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
your like the ambassador to my penis.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
