Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
