somebody snuck up and got me drunk
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
