we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
