I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
