we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
