I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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