he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
