And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
