haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
