it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
