My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
