I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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