definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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