think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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