If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
