Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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