using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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