he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
