I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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