i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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