i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
