he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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