She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
