I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
