put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
