Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
