I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I think I am morally bankrupt
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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