We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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