He asked me if I "almost moaned"
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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