dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
