4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I wish you could order shots online.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
