I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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