You smell like a Billy Joel song
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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